Dr Phil's Book

Reading Dr. Phil's book, Real Life. Going through the last two years have been real life for me so I thought, "Good old' Dr. Phil will show me the way!" I settled on the chapter called Adaptability Breakdlown. As I read through the chapter I couldn't find anything that applied to me. Then I read the chapter on anxiety. Nada!  Tried fear, mental disorders, and existential crises and there were no matches, but I KNOW I'm fucked up!  I mean, who the hell loses a wife, five grand kids, three mansions and a Mercedes and walks away with a martini and a silly grin on his face?  Then it hit me. I'm blazing new territory. Just like when they changed shell shock to PTSD, I have a whole new disorder, born of the recession, customized for the 21st century. Don'tgiveashititus! 

The way I see it a lot of us are so fucked that we know it just wastes time worrying about it. We'll probably not live long enough to ever see a dollar worth a dollar again, and forget about employment. Hell! Even bank robbers can't find gainful employment. The banks are full of Federal Reserve Notes. Want a big nice car?  Forget about it. Good luck filling the tank. So you get a don't give a shit attitude. 

The only constant is pussy. If you're a dirty old man (which I am) you can use some pretty moldy, time honored tricks on younger girls to achieve at least a one night stand. To wit:

1. "I'm really a homosexual and just want to be your friend."

2. "I have ED but I like to cuddle."

3. "I am afraid of contracting an STD so I will only use my finger."

4. "It's called a Martini, and the beautiful thing about it is the Vermouth neutralizes the gin...have another."

5.  And last but not least, "My God girl!  You're young enough to be my grand daughter. What kind of a man do you think I am?"

Older women are actually better but they're smart. You have to invest time and time is a two way street. The more time you invest in developing a relationship the more time you have to invest to decompress said involvement. 

But, a healthy, young woman will generally relieve Don'tgiveashititus because at least the relationship between a man and a woman in private has remained unchanged unless you're in California. The cure for the syndrome?  Well, there is none. Sadly it's terminal. Once you fully realize the futility of worrying about shit that you can do nothing about nothing can ever pull the wool over your eyes again. You actually become, well, FREE!

So Dr. Phil needs to add a chapter to his book. Maybe two. A chapter on pussy would be nice.