NSA and That Nasty Old Constitution

                                                The NSA and the Truth

                                                          by Wilbur Witt

     Forgive me, but I grew up in the 60's. I have seen the government churn out every version of nonsense you could possibly imagine. I watched Lyndon Johnson convince us that a bunch of broke ass rice farmers were going to take over the world if we didn't do something quick.  Well, quick ended up being ten years, and we got a nice wall in Washington to remind us. Then I got to watch Nixon tell us he was not a crook and when he died they couldn't bury him. They had to drive a stick through his ears and screw him into the ground. And don't forget Carter, or on second thought let's do forget Carter. Then there was Bill (Blow Job) Clinton. How about Bush?  Both of them. Jr. Bush told us to forget about those rice farmers, CAMEL jockeys are taking over the world! And we follow suit every time with our tongues hanging out of the side of our mouths just like that stupid dog in Garfield comics!

     Now we have the NSA. I have never seen a more lying, stealing, irrational bunch of idiots in my life. Now, I don't trust Yankees in suits to begin with, but government employed Yankees in suits are on the very top of my list. I put them along about the same level as my Nigerian girlfriends. Ok people, HeadsUp 101. Whenever you use that radio you think is a landline phone SOMEONE is listening. The NSA isn't special, it isn't even smart, it's that most of us are that nieve. Just like the scandal not long ago when people suddenly discovered Apple could locate its iPhones. Uh . . .duh! How do you think that iPhone finds those cell towers?  Now everybody's all pissed off because some government agency is listening to stuff they're screaming from the rooftops. 

     What to do? Well the solution is simple. Yep, that nasty old' constitution again. You see, government employees will always lie. Part of the creed. They have been tapping lines beginning just after Alexander Bell said, "Come here, I need you." NSA's sin was not listening, it was not reading . . .the constitution. It was not understanding the word, "admissible." It was lying to Congress, which is no big deal because Congress lies to US! Snowden didn't reveal anything new, and if you think he did I have a Rolex I'd like to sell you. I know it's genuine because the pimp who sold it to me told me it was. Would I lie to you?

     If the NSA had to get real warrants, not blank checks, real evidence being set forth for said warrants, not suppositions, and had to abide by the constitution there would be no problem, other than some hurt feelings. Listen all you want Mr NSA, but before you drag your lazy, government contracted butts into a court it better be straight up legal, and you'd better have a case! 

     I'm thinking of a word, ah, sequester!  Yeah, that's the word. How much would we need to cut from the budget if we just defunded the NSA, and turned that big old' complex in Utah into a charity hospital?  Wow! That cooks like Aunt Jemima's flapjacks, but then, I'm just a simple old boy from Austin, so what do I know?   

More On Nigerian Romance

     During my experiences with all these Nigerian beauty queens I ran across a hacking technique geared for Facebook. I've mentioned this before, but for those who missed it I'm going to repost. 

     You're on Facebook, bopping along, and suddenly a page appears. Looks official, has all the colors, fonts, and wording, and it's telling you in order to proceed you must re-enter your log in information. Now, if you do nothing will appear to happen. You'll wait to see what's coming up and after a minute or two you'll "backpage" and there Facebook is, all prim and proper. You'll breathe a sigh of relief and go on about your business. You've just given your user name and password to a hacker!  The page you saw was a simple form like the ones you fill out searching for items on the Internet to purchase, etc, but instead of sending back to the originator your preference on bedrooms it has gleaned your log in information, and Kunta is feverishly ripping your identity up one side and down the other. 

     I fell for this!  And not because I was stupid, because I was busy. I was conversing with four Nigerian scammers simultaneously and when the page popped up I just clicked the information and went right on, but I noticed two things. Now I'm a MacHead, ok. The colors were slightly off, and the focus was too. We Mac people get all screwed up about such things and will recalibrate our displays in a heartbeat. When I backpaged the display was correct!  

     The solution?  If,  like me, you were just too busy to notice, and filled in the blanks restart Facebook, NOW!  Go immediately to your account information and change that password!  I did this, and almost immediately got a private message from one of my "girl friends" asking what was wrong? Didn't I love he/she/it any more?  Like the old axiom says, when you throw a rock into a pack of dogs the hit dog always runs. 

     While we're on the subject, let me give a refresher course on Internet girlfriends from somewhere "over there." Rule number one is NEVER take serious any contact from Nigeria or Ghana, for what ever the reason they say they are there. They are there because they were BORN there!  They get up in the morning, get in their car, which looks a lot like yours, go to some call center and begin to run accounts.  Some are sophisticated and some aren't. Some have the ability to carry on complicated conversation and others, well, I've described depraved sexual advances that would embarrass the Marquis de Sade, and the response is, "Uh yeah." I've told one I just did three lines of coke and had three high school cheer leaders kidnapped in my garage and the answer was, " So glad you have friends."

  

     And they change shifts!  Just like Austin! I chewed on one scammer like Juicy Fruit two nights ago, catching them dead to right and made them cyber-bleed (thanks for your assistance Master Chief) and the very next morning had a message from the same scammer, "My love!" If I ran one of these call centers I'd at least have the team members keep accurate case notes. 

     The next rule is so simple it should be somewhere in the Bible. Don't ever, ever, ever, ever, (did I say ever) send money to anyone you meet in a romance on the net! And it always comes down to that. That's the sting. No matter how detailed, or believable the story line is there will always be a sting. That's why they're there! The request begins small and surprisingly reasonable. Remember, you are not the only love of their life. One scammer was caught working eighty-eight accounts that he was pumping at the same time. And you get mental image of these people looking like all those "Save the Children" spots you've seen on TV. These guys get up, and make a ton of money, and hang out in a Vegas style setting. They are superstars to their friends because they have tons of money and make a fool out of what they consider fat, rich, dumb westerners. Oh yeah, Americans are not alone. Brits, and especially Aussies are on the list, too. 

     When they ask for money simply refuse. Or, better yet, have a phony Western Union number and bounce em all over Accra trying to cash it. If you accept one fact you will be just fine. There is not one honest person in Nigeria or Ghana, hell, just make it Africa. No matter how believable it is it is always a scam, and most of the time it is always a man. So, if you get off on cyber sexing Big Daddy Idi Amin, dooooooode! 

     I use the cyber for my own entertainment, and not what you think, you pervs out there, I have a real girl called Frenchi for that. No, I see how far I can get them to bend reality realizing fully well that my mark is probably communicating through translation software. That in itself will screw them up, evidence I told one, "I'd really like to bang you," to which I got the response, "Bomb?" I type so fast, and I am a writer, I've considered submitting my logs to the Guinness Book of World Records for cyber sexing the most Nigerians at one time!  One particularly funny note, the other night I mistakenly sent the wrong message to one. I was having an argument with one, he had actually confessed to me what he was, but was explaining how he had to support his family, which I have no problem with, and I sent him the message meant for another account that I was talking with, describing a sexual position I'd seen in the Karma Sutra. He responded automatically, "My love!" Guess he was working too many accounts, too. 

     Now, this all sounds funny, but there's a down side. Right here, in beautiful, downtown Killeen, Texas, a local businessman sold his business, and emptied his bank account to fulfill the dreams of his Nigerian "girlfriend!" But then Killeen is off the charts. An esteemed member of the Board of Realtors here showed up to meet his 13 year old friend with a six pack and a pack of condoms and got to meet MSNBC. Go figure! 

     If you follow these simple instructions you'll never get hurt. And all jokes aside, the emotional bonds can be real. I've caught myself having real conversations with scammers about mundane subjects, but the sting always comes. "The robbers took all my money and the baby is hungry." 

When you go looking for love on the Internet you wind up in Africa

When you wind up in Africa you meet a girl who looks like Paula Abdul

When you meet a girl who looks like Paula Abdul you become attached

When you become attached you send all your money to Nigeria

When you send all your money to Nigeria your friends laugh their asses off at you at Starbucks the next day. 

Don't let your friends laugh their asses off at you . . .get Dish Network!

The "N" Word

                                                          The "N" Word

                                                          by Wilbur Witt

     With the Paula Deen situation we are again faced with the lopsided standard concerning the racial slur we've all come to know and love, the "N" word. White folk cringe at the very implication that they may be related to someone who ever uttered that word. Now, the word is an insult. In regular society normal people don't usually use words that deliberately classify people unjustly into a group based on the actions of a few. I always say that I'm just a simple old boy from Austin. Well, my simple butt was born in Shreveport, Louisiana, and I have heard, and said the infamous "N" word. As I grew up in the '50's and 60's, I heard a lot of things. Now, at 62, with friends of all makes and colors I try not to offend them by saying things that upset them. 

     And this is not politically correctness at all, but to offend a guest is just not cool. Any civilized person would be the same. What happened to Paula Deen is just plain nuts!  And Walmart leading the foray to destroy her is reprehensible. I know they are going to pull all CDs containing said word from their shelves also, I mean, since it's so offensive. 

     We are all prejudiced. That's human nature. When someone doesn't look like you the caveman comes out and you pre-judge the person as an ancient method of self preservation. In a sane, modern world you should put this on hold and build a data base defined by facts you learn. In ancient tribal days you tended to stay around your own people. Different people were possibly a threat, and for your own safety you stayed in your cave, or village, with people you'd known all your life. Frankly, I'm always pleasantly surprised when I meet new people now. I have a rapper friend from L.A. who talks street language all the time. We never discuss race, we discuss music. He wants to sell his rap. We have a lot in common. He considers me a good friend. We get a laugh out of him because he has never eaten Texas food. It is very gratifying to seen this large man enjoy brisket, German food, and local beer. I would never refer or even think of him in racial terms. 

     I talked to him about this word. His idea is that black people began to use it a lot to avoid the very trap that whites now find themselves in. They have effectively neutralized the stigma by simple overkill. I am Irish, but the word "Mick" doesn't carry the same connotations as the "N" word. We never had to rise out of slavery. We were always considered to be human, except in some areas of New York. And the Chinks, Wops, Spicks, and Polacks all had the same deal. We all had to live past our roots and assimilate into America. Eventually we all became just a bunch of Crackers. 

     What Paula Deen did was a non event. Let it go. I have resolved to never give another dime to Walmart until they reinstate her. I don't like Walmart anyway because it was started by a guy in Arkansas and my grandmother told me all people from Arkansas were white trash who married their sisters. I know now this is not true but I still keep my eye on them. I don't use the "N" word here because I'm not crazy and I know social media sites are! But, if someone plays an old film clip of me and there I am, oh well! 

     We all know this is unfair. We all know there is a double standard. We need to rise above it. When people talk ignorant they never go far. Let's keep our heads and not destroy the lives of people who have done no harm. Of course there will be those who will rail against what I've said here. I hope they are as articulate, and literate as the star witness at the Zimmerman trial. Myself, I've said my bit and now I'm going to move on to different subjects. You can't fix stupid. 

Snowden Produces an Avelanche

                                          How Far Do We Go?

                                                by Wilbur Witt

     As Mr. Snowden begins his journey to some safe haven we must look at the situation as it really is. I've already made it very clear my views on the government wiretapping an entire nation, basically, in an effort to secure our country, but the machinery is in full motion to incarcerate this boy. They are going after "criminal" charges for his outing of the people who took it upon themselves to wipe their asses on the constitution, spit in our collective faces, and lied until the room filled  up with smoke from their flaming pants. Now, I'll admit that anyone who thinks the signal their cell phone is spraying all over the universe is anything but private is living in a fools paradise, but we do have some expectation that if we haven't done anything criminal we shouldn't be subjected to such blatant survailence. John Boehner even chimed in saying the leaker was "no hero." Well, maybe not to YOU, asshole, but to the 300,000,000 sum odd rest of us he's standing pretty tall right now! 

     How far do we let this go? When one honest man can't tell the truth without being hunted like an animal we have crossed the Rubicon. Charges should be pursued. Charges against every person who knew about this and said nothing. This kind of Tomfoolery is totally uncalled for. It is so asinine it defies description. Also, don't tell me Verizon wasn't in the know on this. I may be just a simple old boy from Austin, but I'm not THAT simple. Verizon compromised the privacy and trust of every one of their customers. There should be a mass exodus to AT&T. Verizon has forfeited any right to do business in the United States. I won't even CALL someone who has a Verizon phone any more. And not because I have anything to hide. I'm posting this on Google for God's sake. How much more public can you get? No, that is my personal, and  permanent protest against a direct attack on the American people. 

     The real atrocity is that if and when they catch this kid no one will stand up. We will bleet like the sheep we are and watch him go down. And with him goes everything you ever believed in. Every idea you ever had concerning this so called land of the free. Loose lips sank ships back in the day, but Snowden didn't sink any ships. He just sank a bunch of sneaky liars. God Bless the Republic of Texas!

     

When Bubba Finally DOES Shoot The Jukebox

                           When Bubba Finally Shoots The Juke Box

                                                         by Wilbur Witt

     I just love it when the government gets caught with its pants down and a big ol' nasty case of ED. Such an exhilarating experience just occurred with the revelation that Uncle Remus, oh, my bad, Uncle Sam, was spying on all Verizon phone activity. Before I get started on this rant, I'd just like to ask how Verizon won the honors. I mean, what happened to AT&T, or Sprint, hell, CRICKET? If I were them I'd be pissed off!  Don't terrorists ever use othe services?  I mean, AllahBell, or something like that? 

     Obama trotted out and called black white, wrong right, clicked his heals three times, whispered, "There's no place like home," and disappeared back into the White House. What he didn't say was the simple truth, "Uh, we just tapped all the phones on an entire service, with the only justifiable cause being some idiot, somewhere in the world might say, 'Bomb!" And look at Obama's speech. Did he apologize? No! Did he say he was going to fine tune, or stop this? No! He was mad because he got caught! In fact a major investigation has now been launched to find the whistleblower that outted this mess. They readily admit that it had to be one of very few people who were in a secure enough position to have known about it at all,  and could provide the documentation  Someone right there in their OWN OFFICE! And when they do find this person they will crucify them, and for what?  Telling the truth? And you think this group of "professionals" who can't secure the keys to the executive wash room are capable of securing an entire nation?'

     Ok, let's  go right to the pork chop on this one. Look at bombers. Now, I'm gonna get a little racial on this, so you liberals just sit your asses down, you can cuss me later. Jay Leno, I see you. How's your cell phone working, Bub?Timothy McVeigh was a redneck obsessed fool, running around with a big yellow truck full of fertilizer. He had a history of being an anti-government nut, and Sheriff Buford in PoDunk County, Arkansas could have fingered him in a heartbeat. It took the FBI to screw that one up, and Timmy drove his big yeller truck right up to their doorstep and lit the fuze! Look at the two punks that blew up the Boston Marathon. Look at the guy Obama trotted out yesterday to justify this latest boondoggle. Look at the nineteen highjackers from 9/11. See where we're going with this? Here, yet again, is a prime example of the American people giving up privacy, freedom, and dignity, hell, forget about that nasty old constitution, the administration wiped its butt on that a long time ago, in the name of that elusive, gremlin we have all come to know and love, National Security! 

     As you may know, I recently did a series of articles about Internet scams from Africa. It was quite funny, and I posted a lot of the dialog, but one fact was paramount. They ALL asked for money. They ALL got an absolute, "NO!" There are two reasons for this. One, I knew they were scamming, and two, wouldn't sent five dollars to ANYONE in another country who is darker than me! Pass the barf bags to the liberals, please. It's as simple as this; Grandma Hornbuckle in Austin, talking to her twin sister in Lampasas about sewing patterns is NOT a risk to National Security. Habib al Poopmydraws, in Ghana, saying, "Allah" every other sentence has a bit more on his mind than the price of dates during Ramadan. You just wasted a whole bunch of time and money screening grandma's calls!  And don't tell me it's all computerized and, "Nobody's listening to our calls!" The very guy they drug out to prove that this idea worked was talking in code about MARRIAGE! And if you, Mr Obama, are so secure with this effort, where was it when one of the Boston bombers was flying to and fro to a country embroiled in war, terrorism, and clandestine activity as easily as going to Vegas for the weekend?  Oh, my bad, last time I went to vegas the TSA had me take off my pants to make sure I didn't have a pressure cooker crammed up my ass. 

     I would like to remind everyone, however, that Obama didn't originate this loony tune surveillance. No, George did this. All this tells me is that something in the water inside the Beltway makes em crazy. They forget how to read, they can't tell the truth, and they think the American public is as stupid as they are. You want to see bi-partisan? Look at the track record. When it comes to funding schools and health care they scream, "Sequester!" When it comes to drones, wars, and Don Quixote windmills, just write the check, the FED'll print the money right on up! 

     The government is always going on and on about, "The greater good." And they are quick to use terms like, "Profiling." I find it disturbing that in a country where some woman in a full burqa can get on an airplane easily, that a young man can't walk home with an iced tea and pack of skittles without getting shot!  I'm just a simple ol' boy from Austin, but did I miss something here? In a line at the airport two bozos talking in a language that sounds like they're coughing up their supper go right on through, and the TSA searches little Amy's Barbie doll!   And they all look the same, folks. Dark skin, black hair, scruffy beard and pissed off! Meanwhile Americans, and I mean ALL Americans, even Juan and the boys, put up with this nonsense day after day after day. I would love to have a rule that states if anyone fitting the description of the nineteen terrorist from 9/11, the Boston bombers, or with a name you really can pronounce without spitting in someone's face gets on a plane they must sit between Bubba Mitchell and Fernando. 

     America will return to sanity. It will take about ten years, but people are pretty fed up now and believe it or not, this is NOT England, we DO have guns, and we DO know how to read the constitution. We didn't get this screwed up overnight and we won't fix it overnight, but we WILL fix it! One day Bubba WILL shoot the juke box and little Amy will get her Barbie back, and Miss Hornbuckle will be able to talk to her sister in privacy.  And you wonder why right thinking Texans just want to divorce this fiasco?  Wow!

     

  

Talking to. Nigerian "girl friend" through a translation program

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Where's My $5,000 American????????

Submitted for your consideration one Catherine currently residing in Cote d Ivoire, Africa. She/He/It greeted me some days ago asking me my status and giving me the usual story that she was a French transplant who moved to Africa because of the expensive lifestyle in France. She threw in the sad fact that both of her parents are dead. If you will note, many days later she told me if she came to see me I had to make sure her mother had money to take care of her. As usual, I told her the absolute truth about myself, but upon subsequent conversation I went ahead and punked her. Asked her at one point her size so I could buy her a night gown. Knowing that there was a 95% chance I was talking to a man I just couldn't resist the line from Men's Warehouse, "You're gonna like the way ya look, I guarantee it!" I strung "it" along and when the answer (and the $5,000 requested) wasn't forth coming we see the usual threat, "damage then." She is the first line, with me alternating my responses every other line. Instead of a trip to America I booked her a passage to The Wilbur Zone. Ladies and gentlemen, Catherine of Cote d Ivoire!

********************************************************************************

how are you ?

Fine, and yourself?

I'm fine thank you so tell me a little about you made your biiographie if you do not mind?

I'm a writer. I'm 61. I'm divorced. I'm a gentleman. I live in Texas

ah ok and t you call how you search anything on the net.?

Look up Weird Wilbur on Google

sorry I can not see

Where are you?

I life in Africa precisely in cote d ivoire but I am French and my first name is catherine c about you?

I am Wilbur. What country are you in?

Wilbur delighted me is catherine c I live in cote d ivoire africa precisely but I am of French origin because I have caused left France because of the expensive life in France since the death of both my parents in a car acident j expected that you understand me?

Oh, totally

so tell me about you, you think your life again one day c is to say is what you looking for a woman?

I'm single now. Getting my publishing together.

ah ok y me dicen que la investigación exactamente qué tipo de mujer?

English please

yes 

you research what kind of woman?

Not really looking any more. Have girl friends but that's about all.

yes it is just that I am not happy and I'm new on the net for one reason make me new knowledge to find a serious man who will love and m give me his true love heart

I wish I could find such a woman

and tell me what country you are living presently?

I life in Africa precisely in cote d ivoire 

I live in the us. My wife died four years ago. We had a real estate business.

you life in which country?

I c is catherine of French origin unmarried woman without children soon 31years 32years working in a salon beautée

I live in the USA in one of my four houses

ah ok no worries then tell me why you have not found a woman with you? you think finding a wife on the net, you believe in the love of the net?

I have not really looked for one. I would like to meet one now. I would like to get to know her. If she is away I would bring her here

ah ok I understand you I'm not a rich woman and I live far away from you if it ever wanted to walk us how are we going to do because I can not pay my ticket and I think you're really good as a man because you're the kind of man I am looking for a man who lives alone

I live alone with my little dog. After my wife died in a car crash I moved from the house we lived in to the bigger house because I missed her. I guess I would have to buy plane tickets for you

ouii biensur me a transfer of money so I can do all my papers and also the booking of my ticket j hoped you understand? really sorry for your wife, but I also would like to j make your acquaintance because I am also unmarried and I would like to live with a serious man like you

Couldn't I just buy you a plane ticket?  

How much to you need to do your papers?

oh yeah if you want but then you have to make me clench a transfer pourque I can settle everything here because I live here with my mother and I have great store many things before my departure

Ok, how much money are we talking about?

j would need $ 5,000 to settle all my papers and store all my stuff too

How would I send it. I've never sent money to another country.

you realize in a position and you do request a warrant via western union j hoped you know well?

Oh, ok. I know Western Union

and you will also need to perform my data transfer

How do I do that?

ouii c is his you know if I tell you all this is that I'm really excited to meet you and if you m sending this amount will be living proof that you really alone and you really want to know me and me too I would be very happy to meet you.    

well then as I have t say I'll give you my address and you turn yourself in a Western Union agency you request to transfer via Western Union and through my contact you sending the money I t have asked for my papers and they will give you a transfer code of 10 digits as his I can removed the money once you give me the code. and you must also asked a question and gave an answer that all the parties in terms you understand j expected?

Ok

tell me you're really inspired to do my meeting...?

You are very beautiful. Would love to meet you. This is so wonderful. I'm 61. I never thought such a young beautiful woman would want to meet me

ok no worries I see so I'll give you my contact pourque can do the office? because I also never thought I'd find a serious man like you and your words still give me more eager to make your acquaintance as the age does not matter to me because I love looking for the true love of the heart

Good

yes I'm really sincere with you so I give you my address pourque you can do the office?

It will take about an hour. I have to run to the bank and they are open until noon.

ouii I understand you so I give you tell me yes or no?

Yes yes

Name: aman

first name: catherine elouah

Country: cote d ivoire

City: Grand Bassam

  ok here is my contact you j Receipts well as expected thanks to its coodonnées the mandate you can do if you really want to make the mandate pourque I come to thee

Ok. Give me an hour. I will check on plane tickets too. I'm so excited. Do I need to put a code word for you on the Western Union?

No no you have not checked because I t did not give a fixed price but I t have asked for a sum or I can do all my papers because I have many things to do apart the ticket such as I have left a little of money to my great mother to do some shopping for clothes and many other expected day you understand

Yes. Then how much do you need?

not once you finish filling out the form with my coordinates of course they will give them even a code c is you who will then give me pourque I can withdraw money without taking the head you understand?

Oh, ok. Like I said, I've never sent money to another country.

I have totally need I say $ 5,000 American

Ok

yes I understand you then you can send that amount of $ 5,000 American? be sincere and honest with me stp

Give me an hour. I have to run to the bank. Also, what size nightgown do you wear ? I respect you. I'm as honest as I know you are.

lolll I laugh I am still connected now you go j expected you not play with me Wilbur?

I'm not playing. Believe me.

ok no worries then shows me that you are man of his word and I'll prove it to myself that I want a man I will come unto thee quickly because I'd be very happy also

I am going to flood you with such emotion that you will quiver and shake like a school girl. You will never forget me. I really want to buy you a night gown. You're gonna like the way ya look,  I guarantee it!

ah good then you come back with the transfer references how long the pourque I can have?

It will take me about an hour, I have to run. What's the size of your nightgown. I want to buy you one.

n is listening you have to buy a shirt m me everything I want to c is that you prove to me before you meet your words then go al transfer agency Western Union to me the mandate to $ 5,000 American so I can be after once reassured by your side I would be delighted to accept all your gifts

Ok

you're gone?  you're gone? No more am writing you? c you see is what I was afraid if you were really serious and here for the answer for you! damage then

But why, you answer me? when you played with me it is his? attend the call . . .HONEY

Punking An Online Scammer

                                      Update on Ghana Dating Scams

     After punking "Rosemond" yesterday I did some online research into what is a booming business in Ghana. While the Nigerians invented these cons the scammers in Ghana have taken it to an entirely new level. I've seen interviews with people who work the call centers, or Internet cafes, and I've read dozens of cases studies. I must say on one level I was impressed with the volume of work these people do. On the other hand, if they put such technology, and industry into legitimate help centers they could make good money legitimately. I've come to some some conclusions. 

     Now, I know I'm going to get some resistance on this but rule number one is very simple, if you meet anyone online who tells you they are from anywhere in Africa they are scamming you. These people have no morals, to human feeling and are only out to steal as much money as they can. I can already hear it, "Oh, Wilbur, how can you condemn an entire continent?" It's easy. That's what they are, and if you remember that rule you will never be scammed. Verily, verily I say unto you, nine times out of ten you are not even talking to a woman, it's a man, and that man does not look like Brittney Spears, more than likely he looks like Big Daddy Idi Amin! And you'll be telling him you want to kiss his belly. 

     If you ignore this simple rule, and think there still might be a chance for international love rule two is never ever send any money. No matter how detailed the story, no matter how complex the assurances, don't even send a dime for a parking meter. I've given the scenarios here but to recap, no one but no one has inherited a huge amount of Gold in Ghana. If they did the government would kill them and take it. I read a write up on Ghana, and it was referred to as a democracy. These are the same people who have monstrous civil wars because the bones in their noses point in different directions.

. 

     I have a friend. She lives in England. I have another. She lives in California. Neither of these ladies have ever asked me for a dime. I may meet the one in California during one of my trips, but I don't know if I'll ever meet the lady from England. If she ever comes to America on holiday I will try to have dinner with her on the Riverwalk in San Antonio. I would love her to have a nice suite at the Marriott with a balcony overlooking the walk, and, of course, we will do the Alamo. Not very exotic is it?  That's because she is real! Just as the lady is in California. I plan going to a winery with her if we can swing it. She loves horses and I have a friend that will let her ride to her heart's content

     Rule three is if you can't make it with real women you know give it up. The fundamental part of any con is the greed of the mark. The scammer couldn't scam you if you weren't scamming in the first place. Fact is, if you can't find company in your town, why leap to the Internet? You do it because you either feel inadequate or you, too, have something you are withholding. Maybe you're fat, maybe your old, or perhaps you are just shy, it doesn't matter. Fat, old, shy people find love every day and it doesn't cost $10,000 to get it. I have a limp and I'm 61 years old. I'm not very romantic and I have no style with with women. I wouldn't pick up on a sexual signal from a girl if she typed it in Braille and stuck it up my ass! That's why I live alone. And that doesn't bother me. I know ME!  That's why 

when some chick from Ghana starts telling me how much she loves me, how good looking I am, and how I turned her entire life around I know her eyes are brown because number one, she's from Africa, and number two, she's full of crap!

     It's easy to punk these scammers. I had one just last night running like a quarterback. Her line was that she had inherited several pounds of gold and, of course, needed to get it out of Ghana. She sent me several nice professional photos. I pretended to be really excited about her pictures. I came on like an old perv, which actually wasn't all that hard, and it worries me, but I kinda fell into the role, and told her I'd never felt like this!  One of the pictures she supposedly "just took" was her, on a couch, covered with a towel. I told her I would love to see her without the towel. She told me how shy she was and then said she had just sent another picture. I got the new picture, different towel, same couch. Ok,then I told her just send me a picture to her looking out the window. After much ado, I finally got a picture of a girl looking through a window. Only problem was the sun was streaming in her face and it was 3AM in Ghana. I pointed this out to "her" and was informed the sun rises very early in Ghana. I couldn't see that for all the smoke she was blowing up my ass! 

     If you really want to have some fun, when they tell you to send money via Western Union, get all their information and after an appreciable amount of time send the, a phony confirmation number. In due course they will get back to you and say something's wrong. "Oh, my bad. I must've messed the number up, here." BOUNCE! Them tell them something's wrong and you've got to go down to the Western union and resend, etc. keep this up until they wise up. When you get the inevitable angry letter about how you betrayed your "love," just reply, "JACKASS JACKASS!!!!!" 

     I'm going to keep on punking these bitches, both male or female. They've got it coming. I don't even feel bad about it. But, like the saying goes, there's a sucker born every minute. Please don't be a sucker.   

To Catch A Nigerian

                                                      A Classic Sting

                                                       by Wilbur Witt

     I got this little jewel this morning. It was so classic I had to do it for today's blog. The script that this young lady (Mary, queen_roger909@yahoo.com) and what followed was classic. Originally she told me she was from Alabama. During conversation she introduced me to her best friend, Michelle, in LA. This is what is known as a third party confirmation. The mark just KNOWS it's for real because "best friend" says it is  Why would she lie? Unfortunately for them I've BEEN to LA, and she knew absolutely nothing about Southern California. Naturally, on the next chat we had Michelle's grandmother dying (in Austrailia) and poor Michelle had to go there to settle the estate. Now, work with me here, this gets good. It seems Michelle's father, an international  investor, and general man about town, had been killed mysteriously some years ago and poor old granny was holding the family business together in LA, Austrailia, and (you guessed it), Africa!  

     Michelle told me all about it, even asking my advice on where to put this vast fortune she had just inherited. She told me that she was taking Mary (my new girl friend) with her down under to give her support in this time of need. So, they "embark" on the journey. Important point here  nothing is as it seems. They aren't going anywhere  they're not even in the United States . Mary did a test run at me just after she "arrived" in Austrailia, which I fended off. Naturally, she went to plan "B" blowing that off. That picture in that Tux'll do it every time. So, I continued to receive occasional notes from her on Yahoo, even one where she got angry and yet again, vowed her undying love for me. Amusing point; Like "Mary," I was working several subjects during this time and actually got her mixed up with another girl in Ghana I was punking at the time, and sent the wrong chats and emails to each. Good ol Mary didn't miss a beat, she just kept working the script. 

     Her "return" date approached. (Suspense music please) According to her, she and Michelle were returning to "the state" on Friday. Now, I know there are people in the deep South who butcher the English language, but coming back to the "state?" Give me a break!  I knew the sting could not be far off, but I didn't know it would be this classic. It has all of the elements. Confirmation from a third party, international intrigue, vast sums of unclaimed money, and a sudden crises that involves MY money. 

     Although she claimed Michelle, who allegedly booked a flight for herself and Mary all the way from LA to Austrailia, was settling her granny's estate, a miracle happened. They spent all their money on Granny's health needs and now have nothing to eat! Now, she either was too stupid to keep up with the script, or she had me mixed up with another Mark.  She needed $500. Of course, if you will note, she typed 500$. And, now this gets good,  you cant make this up, are you following me, camera guy? Icouldn't send it to her, I had to send it to where? You guessed it . . .AFRICA! Seems Michelle has this lawyer there who, in a few hours, will provide me with a Western Union address so he can receive the funds and of course, buy poor Mary and Michelle a Big Mac. 

Ok, decoding time. There is no Mary or Michelle. They are working out of an Internet cafe, probably in Nigeria, though I have noticed Ghana is beginning to play predominately in this game lately. The "lawyer," who is thrown in for legitimacy, and respectability, and a little more third party confirmation,is actually their pimp. There are so many holes in her script you could strain spaghetti with it. The sad thing is older men fall for this every day. They are robbed and left broken. I'm going to continue this series. When one of these people troll me I'm going to bait them and out it all up here. We may start a whole new series. Like To Catch A Predator, we'll call it, To Catch a Nigerian, or something like that. 

     There are good people on the net. I have two friends, Sharon in England, and Crystal in LA. Sharon talks about various subjects, never money, and Crystal regularly visits Michael Jackson's grave. Also, Crystal and I had a text conversation on Facebook during the Conrad Murray trial and let me tell you, brothers and sisters,,this girl was MAD!  I have much respect for both of them as I do others I meet here. The rule is so simple. When a woman you never met asks for money it is a sting. One red cent!  Never lose sight of that. 

     "Mary" is shown in the following with no brackets. I put <> Around my responses. My comments are in () If you will note she never drops the script. When I hesitate she sends the old Yahoo BUZZZZ, which copies and pastes as <ding>This is either because she is too ignorant of the English language, or she's working too many "marks" at one time to sort it out. In the end she falls back on "our love" but apparently the pimp CAN read and she finally signed off. Just as I did with the other three yesterday I finally told her who I was and exactly what I was doing. I don't expect to hear from "Mary" again!

Maestro, Intro music please! 

*********************************************************************************************

hello hon how are you doing today     hope you are doing good....i'm happy that u are online now because we need to chat on some issue right now     <ding>     wilbur are you there i'm waiting here for u

<Yes I'm here>

<ding>     hon talk to me i have missed you 

hope u are fine     oh hon i was just thinking of you since      what are you doing right now hon

<Coffee>

k     hon i need to tell you somethings about me and michelle i have been waititng on here for u wilbur?

<what's going on?>

michelle have sign some of the document and we have received some of her dad document also but we have not collecting the check......hon i have spend the money on me with michelle and she also dont have much with her right away because we have use almost the money for her grand-ma treatment? (She originally went to BURY Granny!)

<I thought you went to Australia to bury granny?????>

(Note that she ignores this question and continues the sting)

so i need you to help me out right away we need to get some food stuff and somethings also....so we will be planing to come beck to the state on sunday then i will come and neet u on my way coming back to the stat

hon why did you go off dont you love me again wilbur     hon talk to me 

<no, I'm here, please continue>

(I went "off" because I was laughing and copying and pasting at the same time)

<Oh yeah, you're the one> (Ok, I'm an asshole and at this point I'm trolling HER!)

yea

i know hon but please we dont have food stuff at all right away. (Now I really believe she's short of food. That's why she's whoring on the Internet)

<You flew from LA to Austrailia with little money?  I thought Michelle was settling affairs and the will?>

hon the money i need right away is not much.....you are the only one i will ask no more other person wilbur i have put my mind on you and i have promise to it's you or no other person wilbur     please i need 500$     hon will you make that send to me      <ding>  (totally ignored what I just said. Her comprehension of English is so bad that she canNOT deviate from the script.)

i know the money maybe too much for you to send to me at this time but hon i need that by tomorrow       you will make it send through western union?     will you send that tomorrow with my information wilbur     are you there

<Oh yeah>

hon i will send you michelle lawyer's information to your inbox..... he has some africa country info 

(Heeeeeeere's JOHNNY!)

you know i dont have any information in africa the lawyer have so u will send it through his info.....but i will send is info to your email, in some hours when he send it to me (Now this is Michelle's lawyer, handing the disposition of a vast international estate, and Michelle doesn't have any contact information? Also, aren't there Western Unions in Austrailia?)

michelle just call him now to send his info hon ....i will also make it send to you immediately he send that to us wilbur     will you be on here for like two hours     <ding>     hon are you still there (Michelle just "call" him? Two hours?  What does he have to do, crawl up on a hill and beat out a message on a drum?  Forgive me . . .I'm just a simple ol boy from Austin.)

<Oh, I'm right here!> (Bait Bait!)

ok hon....i will make the info send to you in some hours please i want you to send it to me when you get the lawyer's info.....i will also be online to know if you have make it send to me tomorrow 

*Ok, at this point I went ahead and punked her. I certainly didn't have the time to wait while she finished her shift in the call center, turned in her daily report so her team leader could process my money.*

<I'm a writer working on a series about women who troll older men on the Internet. I had three subjects I was using for information on this practice. It goes to five blogs, Facebook, and the FBI, and Homeland Security. You, and Michelle are part of this story. I am sure Homeland Security is monitoring this because of the recent bombings in Boston, (so i wont even have to bother turning it in, they already know )But, I will say, your approach was classic. The dead grandmother, the international trip to settle affairs, the "lawyer" with information to transfer money, the whole thing. There's no reason for you to reply. I'm busy finishing and publishing the story. Give "Michelle" my best. Hugs>

oh hon why are you saying this i'm not what you think.....i was here because of my good friend michelle not because of asking you money but i just think i should ask you if it's that the issue of money wilbur u can take hold to your money am not after ur money i have put all my mind and trust to you but you fallen my heart

<There were several skips in your script. One, you told me granny died originally. Michelle had to settle the estate. Two, you put $$ BEHIND the amount, Americans don't do that, and three, Africa! Classic Nigerian sting. But, if you sent me real pictures, nice legs. We have a saying here, and it will improve your next job, you've just been punked back!  Now, if you have nothing more I have to file this story> 

JACKASS! JACKASS!

i'm not happy with you i though i have found who will love me and trust me but you make me said and cry all what am doing was just becuase of you i just dont want you to made any mistakes if you want to send that, that was why i said 500$ i add $ because i dont want u to made a mistake if you feel that am not real you can hold your money i will find a way but if i cant get i will wait till the lawyer come back      you promise you will trust me,you also said you will be honest with me but now i cant even figure what is going on?

Roll the credits, fade to black to the theme from Exodus

Finis

What's going on is a classic sting. Also, please be aware, these people are NOT spending the money on food. Before you feel sorry for this girl consider what I told her. In these times anyone soliciting money from another country is suspect. In WWII the saying was, "Loose lips sink ships." Today "Loose wallets kill little boys in Boston watching their daddy run a marathon!" With all the hundreds, thousands, millions of dollars sent overseas each year like this, don't you think some of it buys bullets, guns, pressure cookers? If you were a terrorist, and you wanted to spirit funds out of the US to the Middle East, how would you do it. Would you set up an account at Bank of America, or would you just get a lonely old man to send you $500 via Western Union? I'm going to continue this series. When one of these girls trolls me I'm going to document it and give it to you. Until then have a wonderful day, and God Bless!

The Webcam Scam

Owner' Manual For Internet Girlfriends

           No Fool Like An Old Fool (Unless you pick Weird Wilbur)

                                                     by Wilbur Witt

     I've touched on this subject before, but I think a revisiting is in order. As you may, or may not know, recently I ramped up my friends list on Facebook. I was creating a base of readers who were genuinely interested in reading my opinions. Well, it worked, and now the friends keep coming as more and more people read and tell their friends about me, and I do appreciate that. That having been said, as with all things there is always a side effect. It seems that a few of my contacts are young women who view me as a horny old fool. The story is always the same. They are in a situation somewhere in Africa. Mom, dad, or grandparents have recently died and they have to go there to settle their affairs. Once they touch base with you, you become the love of their life. If you're stupid enough to respond they will hit you so hot and heavy you won't have time to check your email. 

     Now, you guys know me. I'm a decent, or fairly decent guy. I'll talk to anyone, but when one of these Piranhas hits I consider it a fishing trip. They get all personal and I just let them spread their wings. The truly funny thing is that I never lie. I tell them my exact situation and they just keep on striking, which means they either can't read English very well, or they are so caught up in their trolling script they can't deviate, which spells Internet cafe with lots of girls working the web. For those of you not versed in this vocation, there are people who set up computers in a coffee shop and the girls troll the web looking for old fools. 

     The business model is always the same. 

          1) Make initial contact

          2) Become familiar with the mark, and by that I mean VERY familiar!  

                 Words like "love" "honey" "lonely" and an abundance of sexual

                  innuendo, designed to knock the victim out of his wheelchair. 

          3) Introduce an issue they are going through. And it always 

                involves international intrigue. 

           4) Pictures pictures pictures. This is where it gets funny with me. 

                  I make videos and I get some of the hottest shots of Asian

                  chicks you've ever seen. I use the pictures. Yes, I'm an 

                  asshole. Please make note that the pictures you get are

                  most likely NOT the girl you are communicating with. Frankly

                  I recently received a series of photos and I thought, "DAYUM!

                  No WAY this girl is single!" 

             5) They suddenly have a need for funds. This is the first grab. If you                                         

                    balk they will either move on to greener pastures

                    or go to step 6. 

              6) The call for help evolves with the crisis in their life

                     involving some "settlement," "inheritance," whatever, but in

                     order to complete their business, and the sting, they need . . .

               7) Your account number!

     Now, I'm not going to insult the intelligence of my readers, but if you are that hard up, and stupid enough to give an Internet girl friend your bank account information send ME the money, I'll put it into the music business and I'll even have Frenchi do a lap dance for you. Hell! We might even get a hit, and you'll make a little change. Remember, the rules are simple. Nothing is as it seems. If it sounds too good to be true then it probably isn't. Only get involved with women you can see and touch. It's so simple. I had no less than three of these girls talking to me at one time this morning, all following exactly the same script, hell, I felt like they were all in the same room sharing notes! They all hit me with the same sting at the same time, and when I told them that my son, Master Chief Wilbur had my passwords and read all my communications they all had somewhere to go and promptly signed off!

     It makes me very angry when people take advantage of people who are lonely and alone. They think the girl might be so down and out that maybe their Social Security check will buy them love. So they send money and eat cat food while they read the bull shit that dribbles back over the net. Fact is that's not me. I'm successful, surrounded by beautiful girls, drive a Mercedes, and am working on my fourth book and music for a band cutting an album. And I TELL these women this. Only problem is that they're so busy following the script they don't take time to read. If you think these things don't happen just have a look at this copy and paste from a note I got just today. . .

lol. thats my mums plantation down here.i just spoke to my mums lawyer today and according to her WILL she left some to huge amount of GOLD in my name,from her gold bussiness and i am praying to have it and bring it so that we can start a new life there eventhough iwas thinking of selling it here before i come back but i dont think i can get the right price here,as my love and soulmate i just want to know what you think,whether to bring it up there if only  i can get a good price there or  sell it here before coming back...take care and pls say a big HI to the kids for me.Hope to hear your reply soon my love..ok. 

A Story of Hate

I want to tell you a story. A story of hate. I want to tell you of a soul so vile that the Devil will not let it into hell. We are repairing my ex-wife's husband's house. His daughter, and granddaughter are drug addicted prostitutes. He lost his wife four years ago, and as his health went down they took all the tools in his workshop and sold them for drugs. They had sex in the living room as he lay dying on the floor. Devout Catholic, altar boy. Retired Army. Purple Heart. Three bronze stars with valor. He married my ex. She scraped him off the floor and took him for treatment. He lived. My wife had adopted my five grandchildren. He found new life in them. He began to repair his house which had been destroyed. The joy returned to the face of this old man as he worked in his wood-shop. He chased his "kids" around the yard. He repaired the fence. He fixed the pool. He sat on his porch. He loved cor me to grill anything. Today a woman who had done some cleaning in his house demanded more money than she was due. When refused, she said she was going to fabricate a story and call the CPS. She told him to kiss his children goodbye. He would never see them again. And she laughed!  She got a demonic glee at destroying five little lives and one old soldier. She is the epitome of evil. She was going to use the fact that his house is under construction, and his tools are scattered about, as he tries to rebuild it for his new family. He is dying. He has damage from Agent Orange with all the ramifications that go with it. Before this woman was conceived he was in the rice paddies of Vietnam fighting for America. He is fighting now for a few precious months so he can give his "babies" a spedid home. Being a good husband and father. He is married to my ex-wife and I love him. He is seventy years old. The woman's name is Somer Anderson and she lives in Killeen, Texas. I just thought you needed to know who she is. May God forgive, I simply can't!

CYBER!

                                                                 Cyber!

                                                        by Wilbur Witt

     Gee, isn't it funny that most of you know exactly what I'm going to be talking about today?  CYBER!  Time was that word had no meaning at all. Then, with the advent of the Internet we learned the term could refer to just about any information that was sent over the net, then the term cyber-sex came into being, then we forgot all about everything else and CYBER was born!

     I am not proud of it, but I am one of the pioneers of cyber-sluttery. Back in the 90's, when we all had phone modems, you remember, Twee, Twee, Tweeeeeeeeeeeee, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!" Damn straight I got mail. I was up 'till two AM with a fifth of Jim Beam, a Hewlett Packard, and Miss Right Now! Me and a couple of Realtors even had a game. I would troll a chat room and cut out someone. Get her into a private chat and we would begin to talk. At some point I'd say, "Mark!" The time was noted. If all went well before fifteen minutes was up I'd say, "Is that a win?" Most times it was. The object of the game was to get her hand in her pants and a win was three or more typos in one sentence thereby proving she was typing with one hand. The bet was a bottle of Corona. But you know I'm bad! And I never talked dirty, oh hell no!  I'm a WRITER! I used a pseudo hypnotic method I devised myself. I would tell them to concentrate on a spot right below their heart until they felt a tingle. Then, with a little coaching that tingle would go down, and, well, you know. I'd win the Corona. 

     Now we have a whole new breed of cyber predictors, and they think they have it figured out. Women who prowl the friends lists to find lonely old men. The only problem is that there are a few old farts like me out there who know the deal from way back in the DOS days. They hit you up, tell you how much they love you, and then come up with some crisis wherein they need, well, money. Mother's sick, lost job, the list goes on and on and on. If someone is having a legitimate conversation I will talk with them, and help any way I can. But if they're trolling, OMFG! First I make damn sure they are NOT 13 years old, asking for a six pack of beer and a rubber because mommy and daddy are out, and then I feed them line. ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, SNAP! "You are so sexy.". No I'm not. I'm 61, smoke cigars and walk with a limp. "I've never felt this way about anyone." Yea you have. You're talking to five other old fools right now. "Yes, that's, really me." Negro please! If you're that hot what are you doing on the computer at two AM talking to the likes of ME? 

     And every now and then I get a morsel. Some girl will dance a little too close to the flame. Now, I'm a published author, been doing it for forty-two years, I can turn a phrase. Every once in a blue, blue moon those three typos will manifest, because I'm not a porpoise, I'm a blowfish! 

     I prefer my women three dimensional, and if they're warm that's always nice. Please, please take it from one who knows. Don't ever get romantically involved with someone who pops out from behind the cyber curtain, and for God's sake, don't send them any money. 

MARK!

     

Dear Piers Morgan

Dear Piers Morgan,

     I have watched you interview many people on your show. I have studied your style, your posture, and your straw man attacks on people ranging from Alex Jones to people in the government. Most recently I observed you talking with George Zimmerman's brother, and every time the man began to make a valid point you interrupted him with some off the cuff remark that was not germain to the discussion. I would like to be on your show. And I would like to be the whole show so as to allow for all of your duck and dodge tactics. Unlike Alex, I will wait until you take a breath, and then calmly make my point. Where I have to  I will gently steer you back into the conversation and try to keep you on point. If you allow me to appear I assure you that I will win the debate. If you ignore this request, and I'm sure you will, well, I've won already, now haven't I? I will discuss a wide range of topics, none of which we agree on. I won't have to bring any notes because I know I'm dealing with you. When I'm done with you, you will be a wiser man. Hope to see you soon.

Weird Wilbur 

In Search of the Perfect Martini

                                       In Search of the Perfect Martini

                                                       by Wilbur Witt

     My affection for martinis is well documented. I ordered my first one at the Berry Creek Country Club in 2005. Up until then I was a whiskey drinker. That went back to my Nashville days. I was living in my studio on Westend Avenue, sleeping under my mixing console and didn't have any means of refrigeration. With no way to supply cold beer, a bottle of Beam was handier. I learned to drink it Nashville style, from a Red Solo cup, mixing it with gums and teeth. http://youtu.be/BKZqGJONH68  

     One night, for no apparently reason, I ordered a martini. I consider this to have been divine inspiration. Now, if you are a martini drinker you will know it from the first sip. It is a taste you remember from somewhere, and you welcome it back. If you are not a martini aficionado you will pass the drink to someone else. From my first sipI knew that I'd found my drug of choice. 

     In no time at all I had my shakers, glasses, and olives, and I was in business! I began with gin. I fell for the marketing and bought Beefeater, but found I actually preferred Bombay. The vermouth stayed a constant, Martini and Rossi extra dry. My logic was simple. First, it had the word "Martini" right on the label, and two, it was extra dry, and that's what the bartender told me during my first encounter with the king of cocktails, so, being a simple old boy from Austin I stuck with it. I tried vodka. Vodka didn't have any "legs" to it, and I've always been highly suspicious of any liquor that doesn't have a "bite." It's like a woman who just lays there. Doesn't matter how pretty she is there's no relationship. 

     At first I only shook my martinis. At some point in time I stirred. I've heard that James Bond recipe for a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred, and one, he's drinking vodka, and two he's just wrong about the mechanics. I eventually fine tuned the mixing process to swirling. I still occasionally will shake, depends on the mood I'm in. If I want ice crystals in the cocktail I'll shake, if I'm after a smoother drink, I swirl. I never waste a martini. In the making of a video I found what appeared to be shreds of toilette paper in my glass, and if you will note, that martini did not go to waste!  http://youtu.be/nhVjw2Itjak.  I can take or leave the olives, depending upon if I've had dinner or not. If not, I do olives. 

     The blend is a preference of mine, also. In the approach to the driest martini possible I've tried several ratios of vermouth to gin, but given my "druthers" I fill the shaker half full of ice, pour in an ounce of vermouth, shake that around to saturate the ice, strain the vermouth out, leaving samples clinging to the ice, and then introduce the gin. This renders the proper martini. I make one drink at a time, changing the ice for each one. I do not like a bar where they bring you the shaker, filled with ice and martini, and the cocktail sits there like a beached whale soaking up water. 

     And the reason it will soak up water is rule number one when co-habitating   with a martini; martinis don't make friends in a hurry. The usual martini has a LOT of liquor in it. Using the shaker cap as a measure, mine are almost two to one when compared to a bloody Mary, margarita. Consequently, you sip the drink with respect. I never drive anything after I drink , and especially after a martini night. And I think the term, "Drink Responsibly" is an oxymoron. Just like the term, "Vomit Politely." The most responsible thing you can do is not drive. 

     Ladies and martinis are an excellent mix. If they are already a friend of the drink you have a highly intelligent partner to share time with. If it is their first voyage you need to explain to them that the martini is a very unique drink in that the introduction of vermouth nullifies the effects of the alcohol. Now, I would never be so unkind as to take advantage of a lady who was under the influence, but I am not saying I wouldn't allow her take advantage of me if I was under the influence. I believe in equality if the sexes. 

     There are many variations of martini. Apple flavors, various vodka recipes, but I prefer my classic blend. It's always there, always straight up, and meets me on equal ground, for about the first two. If there are martini enthusiasts out there please share you ideas, and for those of you of whom have never partook give this classic a try. I think you'll be surprised. 

     

Things I Dodge When Blogging

                                       Things I Dodge When Blogging

                                                          Wilbur Witt

     I think I watch about fifty or more videos a day, read two news feeds, and every blog I'm subscribed to in an effort to find something that strikes my fancy and I find interesting enough to write about. I didn't start out with a list of things I don't touch, they just evolved. However, that having been said there are certain things I have learned to avoid. 

Noah's Ark

     Every year some group of fundamentalists find a match stick on Mt Ararat and go pig-shit crazy. They have bought into the entire boat full of animals, and a universal flood. I don't write about this for two reasons. One, if I'm pro then everyone will think I'm nuts, too, and two, if I speak with a voice of reason I have to spend endless hours deleting idiotic emails from the 100's of Christian denominations that float that particular boat. Bottom line, there was no Noah's ark, it is a child's story, learn it, live it, love it!

Dianne Feinstein 

     I wanted to do a post on her. I don't like her, but I researched her career and found a milk-toast, lack luster, fool, that has slipped by for years because she comes from California and they will send anything to the senate. I wish she would go to Oceanside, get naked, smoke a joint, and let the rest of us run the country. 

The Government Is Amassing Ammo and Death Camps

     Actually all conspiracy theories are on this list. I have found that if you have a vast conspiracy theory then it's usually wrong. I have watched enormously complicated ideas that the planes that hit the twin towers were unmanned drones, JFK was shot by his driver, there is a New World Order running all the banks, and Obama is really a reptile in human form. Please join Feinstein for that joint. 

Any Health or Self Help From California

     I don't care what it is, I don't care how many letters they have behind their names, I don't care how many cable supported infomercials they put out, the moment I see UCLA, or Berkley, or anything originating from California I change channels to something else. Those people are all nuts, and everybody knows it. They are fun to watch, wonderful place to visit, but do NOT ever listen to them on any subject deeper than getting laid. 

Movie Stars Endorsing Anything

     Goes right back to the notes on people from California. Movie stars are shallow, stupid, Narcissistic, and get paid too much money for doing nothing. I don't write about them because I know they have to be fucked up, else they wouldn't be in Hollywood in the first place. And they emerge from their marijuana haze to expound on national issues they are completely ignorant of with full confidence that a lot of people will listen to them because they could remember their lines between, "Action!" and "Cut!"

Anything The Russians Say

     The Russians think they still have a country. Did I miss something?  Didn't they get their asses handed to them some twenty odd years ago?  But they still spout off like they have something to say. Long ago I went out in a trailer park I owned, please no jokes about me being Texan and owning a trailer park, and we shot stray cats who were ruining our sub floors. I hit one right in the side  of the head, blowing his brains literally out!  He walked off like he had good sense. RUSSIANS!

Sandusky 

     Penn State for that matter. Hell! The whole state of Pennsylvania. How'd they miss that? All I can say is they must have some ugly women up yonder. Typical Yankee attitude. "Oh, excuse me sir. I see you're bumping an eleven year old boy in the ass. I must make a note to report this to my supervisor." Even California can't beat that one.  

Aliens

     Any idea that ascribes evolution, God, written language, or pyramids to little green men is stupid. As a teen I had this wet dream about being abducted by aliens, taken up there somewhere, and given my choice of any girl I wanted so they could study breeding. I was nuts, and so are the proponents of alien abductions, and all the rest. 

Anything Pornographic

     I prefer three dimensional girls. It's nice if they're warm, too. 

Arguments Between Atheists And Theists

     Imagine an intellectual discussion between a dog and a cat. Well, there you are. Both sides screaming about something they cannot prove. I used to be a religious, theological writer, but then I met Penn and Teller and I put away childish things. 

     These are just a few of a growing list of things I try not to write about. Do you have any subjects?  I'm sure you do. If you don't, just keep blogging and make a note of which blogs bite the dust, and which ones people actually READ!

The Lighter Side Of Divorce

     One of the beautiful things about divorce is that you don't have to put up with shithead in law's anymore. All the restraints you've languished under all those years are now removed, and you can speak freely. I've found that since my last divorce, wait a minute. . .Charsa, Barbara, Mary, no not her, I forgot to divorce her, Brenda, and finally Pamela, I think Pam's family took the cake. Oh damn! I got them out of sequence, make Brenda number two. 

     I can honestly say that most of my many I laws and I got along, but then, I wasn't around long enough for them to know me. But I had over twenty-five years to get to know ALL of Pam's family, and the one word I can apply is consistent. Her mother became a widow early in my marriage to her daughter. Now, I'd like to mix in two ingredients here. These folks are from Arkansas, and they are Mormon. Already funny, huh. 

     Starting with "Mom," every conversation was an effort to convert me. Now I'm not going into a rant about their faith, but I will say that every encounter you have with a Mormon in law is, well, MORMON. And there is no winning. You give up on that from the beginning. In fact, even trying to placate them, and agree, giving them insight doesn't work either. They march to their own drummer and unless you are in the fold you simply cannot succeed. Now I must add that when "Mom" became a widow she quickly married a man who was devout Roman Catholic, whereupon she had a vision, and  converted. 

     And she was the holiest of holies. After observing her conversion I stopped going to mass. When Pam and I divorced I spoke to her one time and God has granted me the grace of never hearing her voice again. That was preferred over Pam's younger brother. 

     This guy was a motor mouth on jet fuel. He would launch into a speech at any get together, and it was always about how great he was, and about his Mormon faith. If u could put him in a category it would be, "clueless." I actually debated this guy but eventually gave it up when I realized I was dancing with myself. His wife's constant ejaculation on opinion gave me ideas for many funny articles and videos. One such idea was telling me I was going to jail for showing a picture of marijuana in a joke video. When caught in such a stupid attack he would then turn aggressive and threaten punishment on everyone in the state of Texas. I think he's the one I enjoy being away from the most. Every now and then I will hear something he has said or done, and I get this warm fuzzy. Now he's dancing with himself. 

     And let's not forget little sister. I think I was supposed to marry her, or at least have a relationship with her to make babies for the clan. Now, when I married Pam this girl was hot, hot, hot, and at the time I didn't see any viable reason to talk their religion down, if you get my drift. Never panned out, however, because she was also crazy, crazy, crazy. Got her drunk one time, but that's another story. 

     Anyway, I'm free of all these people. Sometimes I actually miss them, but I've found a six pack and Frenchi generally cures those momentary lapses of lucidity. If I ever get married again she will have to be an orphan, with a total loss of memory.   Pictures of Marijuana