You're on Facebook, bopping along, and suddenly a page appears. Looks official, has all the colors, fonts, and wording, and it's telling you in order to proceed you must re-enter your log in information. Now, if you do nothing will appear to happen. You'll wait to see what's coming up and after a minute or two you'll "backpage" and there Facebook is, all prim and proper. You'll breathe a sigh of relief and go on about your business. You've just given your user name and password to a hacker! The page you saw was a simple form like the ones you fill out searching for items on the Internet to purchase, etc, but instead of sending back to the originator your preference on bedrooms it has gleaned your log in information, and Kunta is feverishly ripping your identity up one side and down the other.
I fell for this! And not because I was stupid, because I was busy. I was conversing with four Nigerian scammers simultaneously and when the page popped up I just clicked the information and went right on, but I noticed two things. Now I'm a MacHead, ok. The colors were slightly off, and the focus was too. We Mac people get all screwed up about such things and will recalibrate our displays in a heartbeat. When I backpaged the display was correct!
The solution? If, like me, you were just too busy to notice, and filled in the blanks restart Facebook, NOW! Go immediately to your account information and change that password! I did this, and almost immediately got a private message from one of my "girl friends" asking what was wrong? Didn't I love he/she/it any more? Like the old axiom says, when you throw a rock into a pack of dogs the hit dog always runs.
While we're on the subject, let me give a refresher course on Internet girlfriends from somewhere "over there." Rule number one is NEVER take serious any contact from Nigeria or Ghana, for what ever the reason they say they are there. They are there because they were BORN there! They get up in the morning, get in their car, which looks a lot like yours, go to some call center and begin to run accounts. Some are sophisticated and some aren't. Some have the ability to carry on complicated conversation and others, well, I've described depraved sexual advances that would embarrass the Marquis de Sade, and the response is, "Uh yeah." I've told one I just did three lines of coke and had three high school cheer leaders kidnapped in my garage and the answer was, " So glad you have friends."
And they change shifts! Just like Austin! I chewed on one scammer like Juicy Fruit two nights ago, catching them dead to right and made them cyber-bleed (thanks for your assistance Master Chief) and the very next morning had a message from the same scammer, "My love!" If I ran one of these call centers I'd at least have the team members keep accurate case notes.
The next rule is so simple it should be somewhere in the Bible. Don't ever, ever, ever, ever, (did I say ever) send money to anyone you meet in a romance on the net! And it always comes down to that. That's the sting. No matter how detailed, or believable the story line is there will always be a sting. That's why they're there! The request begins small and surprisingly reasonable. Remember, you are not the only love of their life. One scammer was caught working eighty-eight accounts that he was pumping at the same time. And you get mental image of these people looking like all those "Save the Children" spots you've seen on TV. These guys get up, and make a ton of money, and hang out in a Vegas style setting. They are superstars to their friends because they have tons of money and make a fool out of what they consider fat, rich, dumb westerners. Oh yeah, Americans are not alone. Brits, and especially Aussies are on the list, too.
When they ask for money simply refuse. Or, better yet, have a phony Western Union number and bounce em all over Accra trying to cash it. If you accept one fact you will be just fine. There is not one honest person in Nigeria or Ghana, hell, just make it Africa. No matter how believable it is it is always a scam, and most of the time it is always a man. So, if you get off on cyber sexing Big Daddy Idi Amin, dooooooode!
I use the cyber for my own entertainment, and not what you think, you pervs out there, I have a real girl called Frenchi for that. No, I see how far I can get them to bend reality realizing fully well that my mark is probably communicating through translation software. That in itself will screw them up, evidence I told one, "I'd really like to bang you," to which I got the response, "Bomb?" I type so fast, and I am a writer, I've considered submitting my logs to the Guinness Book of World Records for cyber sexing the most Nigerians at one time! One particularly funny note, the other night I mistakenly sent the wrong message to one. I was having an argument with one, he had actually confessed to me what he was, but was explaining how he had to support his family, which I have no problem with, and I sent him the message meant for another account that I was talking with, describing a sexual position I'd seen in the Karma Sutra. He responded automatically, "My love!" Guess he was working too many accounts, too.
Now, this all sounds funny, but there's a down side. Right here, in beautiful, downtown Killeen, Texas, a local businessman sold his business, and emptied his bank account to fulfill the dreams of his Nigerian "girlfriend!" But then Killeen is off the charts. An esteemed member of the Board of Realtors here showed up to meet his 13 year old friend with a six pack and a pack of condoms and got to meet MSNBC. Go figure!
If you follow these simple instructions you'll never get hurt. And all jokes aside, the emotional bonds can be real. I've caught myself having real conversations with scammers about mundane subjects, but the sting always comes. "The robbers took all my money and the baby is hungry."
When you go looking for love on the Internet you wind up in Africa
When you wind up in Africa you meet a girl who looks like Paula Abdul
When you meet a girl who looks like Paula Abdul you become attached
When you become attached you send all your money to Nigeria
When you send all your money to Nigeria your friends laugh their asses off at you at Starbucks the next day.
Don't let your friends laugh their asses off at you . . .get Dish Network!
