Where's My $5,000 American????????

Submitted for your consideration one Catherine currently residing in Cote d Ivoire, Africa. She/He/It greeted me some days ago asking me my status and giving me the usual story that she was a French transplant who moved to Africa because of the expensive lifestyle in France. She threw in the sad fact that both of her parents are dead. If you will note, many days later she told me if she came to see me I had to make sure her mother had money to take care of her. As usual, I told her the absolute truth about myself, but upon subsequent conversation I went ahead and punked her. Asked her at one point her size so I could buy her a night gown. Knowing that there was a 95% chance I was talking to a man I just couldn't resist the line from Men's Warehouse, "You're gonna like the way ya look, I guarantee it!" I strung "it" along and when the answer (and the $5,000 requested) wasn't forth coming we see the usual threat, "damage then." She is the first line, with me alternating my responses every other line. Instead of a trip to America I booked her a passage to The Wilbur Zone. Ladies and gentlemen, Catherine of Cote d Ivoire!

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how are you ?

Fine, and yourself?

I'm fine thank you so tell me a little about you made your biiographie if you do not mind?

I'm a writer. I'm 61. I'm divorced. I'm a gentleman. I live in Texas

ah ok and t you call how you search anything on the net.?

Look up Weird Wilbur on Google

sorry I can not see

Where are you?

I life in Africa precisely in cote d ivoire but I am French and my first name is catherine c about you?

I am Wilbur. What country are you in?

Wilbur delighted me is catherine c I live in cote d ivoire africa precisely but I am of French origin because I have caused left France because of the expensive life in France since the death of both my parents in a car acident j expected that you understand me?

Oh, totally

so tell me about you, you think your life again one day c is to say is what you looking for a woman?

I'm single now. Getting my publishing together.

ah ok y me dicen que la investigación exactamente qué tipo de mujer?

English please

yes 

you research what kind of woman?

Not really looking any more. Have girl friends but that's about all.

yes it is just that I am not happy and I'm new on the net for one reason make me new knowledge to find a serious man who will love and m give me his true love heart

I wish I could find such a woman

and tell me what country you are living presently?

I life in Africa precisely in cote d ivoire 

I live in the us. My wife died four years ago. We had a real estate business.

you life in which country?

I c is catherine of French origin unmarried woman without children soon 31years 32years working in a salon beautée

I live in the USA in one of my four houses

ah ok no worries then tell me why you have not found a woman with you? you think finding a wife on the net, you believe in the love of the net?

I have not really looked for one. I would like to meet one now. I would like to get to know her. If she is away I would bring her here

ah ok I understand you I'm not a rich woman and I live far away from you if it ever wanted to walk us how are we going to do because I can not pay my ticket and I think you're really good as a man because you're the kind of man I am looking for a man who lives alone

I live alone with my little dog. After my wife died in a car crash I moved from the house we lived in to the bigger house because I missed her. I guess I would have to buy plane tickets for you

ouii biensur me a transfer of money so I can do all my papers and also the booking of my ticket j hoped you understand? really sorry for your wife, but I also would like to j make your acquaintance because I am also unmarried and I would like to live with a serious man like you

Couldn't I just buy you a plane ticket?  

How much to you need to do your papers?

oh yeah if you want but then you have to make me clench a transfer pourque I can settle everything here because I live here with my mother and I have great store many things before my departure

Ok, how much money are we talking about?

j would need $ 5,000 to settle all my papers and store all my stuff too

How would I send it. I've never sent money to another country.

you realize in a position and you do request a warrant via western union j hoped you know well?

Oh, ok. I know Western Union

and you will also need to perform my data transfer

How do I do that?

ouii c is his you know if I tell you all this is that I'm really excited to meet you and if you m sending this amount will be living proof that you really alone and you really want to know me and me too I would be very happy to meet you.    

well then as I have t say I'll give you my address and you turn yourself in a Western Union agency you request to transfer via Western Union and through my contact you sending the money I t have asked for my papers and they will give you a transfer code of 10 digits as his I can removed the money once you give me the code. and you must also asked a question and gave an answer that all the parties in terms you understand j expected?

Ok

tell me you're really inspired to do my meeting...?

You are very beautiful. Would love to meet you. This is so wonderful. I'm 61. I never thought such a young beautiful woman would want to meet me

ok no worries I see so I'll give you my contact pourque can do the office? because I also never thought I'd find a serious man like you and your words still give me more eager to make your acquaintance as the age does not matter to me because I love looking for the true love of the heart

Good

yes I'm really sincere with you so I give you my address pourque you can do the office?

It will take about an hour. I have to run to the bank and they are open until noon.

ouii I understand you so I give you tell me yes or no?

Yes yes

Name: aman

first name: catherine elouah

Country: cote d ivoire

City: Grand Bassam

  ok here is my contact you j Receipts well as expected thanks to its coodonnées the mandate you can do if you really want to make the mandate pourque I come to thee

Ok. Give me an hour. I will check on plane tickets too. I'm so excited. Do I need to put a code word for you on the Western Union?

No no you have not checked because I t did not give a fixed price but I t have asked for a sum or I can do all my papers because I have many things to do apart the ticket such as I have left a little of money to my great mother to do some shopping for clothes and many other expected day you understand

Yes. Then how much do you need?

not once you finish filling out the form with my coordinates of course they will give them even a code c is you who will then give me pourque I can withdraw money without taking the head you understand?

Oh, ok. Like I said, I've never sent money to another country.

I have totally need I say $ 5,000 American

Ok

yes I understand you then you can send that amount of $ 5,000 American? be sincere and honest with me stp

Give me an hour. I have to run to the bank. Also, what size nightgown do you wear ? I respect you. I'm as honest as I know you are.

lolll I laugh I am still connected now you go j expected you not play with me Wilbur?

I'm not playing. Believe me.

ok no worries then shows me that you are man of his word and I'll prove it to myself that I want a man I will come unto thee quickly because I'd be very happy also

I am going to flood you with such emotion that you will quiver and shake like a school girl. You will never forget me. I really want to buy you a night gown. You're gonna like the way ya look,  I guarantee it!

ah good then you come back with the transfer references how long the pourque I can have?

It will take me about an hour, I have to run. What's the size of your nightgown. I want to buy you one.

n is listening you have to buy a shirt m me everything I want to c is that you prove to me before you meet your words then go al transfer agency Western Union to me the mandate to $ 5,000 American so I can be after once reassured by your side I would be delighted to accept all your gifts

Ok

you're gone?  you're gone? No more am writing you? c you see is what I was afraid if you were really serious and here for the answer for you! damage then

But why, you answer me? when you played with me it is his? attend the call . . .HONEY

Punking An Online Scammer

                                      Update on Ghana Dating Scams

     After punking "Rosemond" yesterday I did some online research into what is a booming business in Ghana. While the Nigerians invented these cons the scammers in Ghana have taken it to an entirely new level. I've seen interviews with people who work the call centers, or Internet cafes, and I've read dozens of cases studies. I must say on one level I was impressed with the volume of work these people do. On the other hand, if they put such technology, and industry into legitimate help centers they could make good money legitimately. I've come to some some conclusions. 

     Now, I know I'm going to get some resistance on this but rule number one is very simple, if you meet anyone online who tells you they are from anywhere in Africa they are scamming you. These people have no morals, to human feeling and are only out to steal as much money as they can. I can already hear it, "Oh, Wilbur, how can you condemn an entire continent?" It's easy. That's what they are, and if you remember that rule you will never be scammed. Verily, verily I say unto you, nine times out of ten you are not even talking to a woman, it's a man, and that man does not look like Brittney Spears, more than likely he looks like Big Daddy Idi Amin! And you'll be telling him you want to kiss his belly. 

     If you ignore this simple rule, and think there still might be a chance for international love rule two is never ever send any money. No matter how detailed the story, no matter how complex the assurances, don't even send a dime for a parking meter. I've given the scenarios here but to recap, no one but no one has inherited a huge amount of Gold in Ghana. If they did the government would kill them and take it. I read a write up on Ghana, and it was referred to as a democracy. These are the same people who have monstrous civil wars because the bones in their noses point in different directions.

. 

     I have a friend. She lives in England. I have another. She lives in California. Neither of these ladies have ever asked me for a dime. I may meet the one in California during one of my trips, but I don't know if I'll ever meet the lady from England. If she ever comes to America on holiday I will try to have dinner with her on the Riverwalk in San Antonio. I would love her to have a nice suite at the Marriott with a balcony overlooking the walk, and, of course, we will do the Alamo. Not very exotic is it?  That's because she is real! Just as the lady is in California. I plan going to a winery with her if we can swing it. She loves horses and I have a friend that will let her ride to her heart's content

     Rule three is if you can't make it with real women you know give it up. The fundamental part of any con is the greed of the mark. The scammer couldn't scam you if you weren't scamming in the first place. Fact is, if you can't find company in your town, why leap to the Internet? You do it because you either feel inadequate or you, too, have something you are withholding. Maybe you're fat, maybe your old, or perhaps you are just shy, it doesn't matter. Fat, old, shy people find love every day and it doesn't cost $10,000 to get it. I have a limp and I'm 61 years old. I'm not very romantic and I have no style with with women. I wouldn't pick up on a sexual signal from a girl if she typed it in Braille and stuck it up my ass! That's why I live alone. And that doesn't bother me. I know ME!  That's why 

when some chick from Ghana starts telling me how much she loves me, how good looking I am, and how I turned her entire life around I know her eyes are brown because number one, she's from Africa, and number two, she's full of crap!

     It's easy to punk these scammers. I had one just last night running like a quarterback. Her line was that she had inherited several pounds of gold and, of course, needed to get it out of Ghana. She sent me several nice professional photos. I pretended to be really excited about her pictures. I came on like an old perv, which actually wasn't all that hard, and it worries me, but I kinda fell into the role, and told her I'd never felt like this!  One of the pictures she supposedly "just took" was her, on a couch, covered with a towel. I told her I would love to see her without the towel. She told me how shy she was and then said she had just sent another picture. I got the new picture, different towel, same couch. Ok,then I told her just send me a picture to her looking out the window. After much ado, I finally got a picture of a girl looking through a window. Only problem was the sun was streaming in her face and it was 3AM in Ghana. I pointed this out to "her" and was informed the sun rises very early in Ghana. I couldn't see that for all the smoke she was blowing up my ass! 

     If you really want to have some fun, when they tell you to send money via Western Union, get all their information and after an appreciable amount of time send the, a phony confirmation number. In due course they will get back to you and say something's wrong. "Oh, my bad. I must've messed the number up, here." BOUNCE! Them tell them something's wrong and you've got to go down to the Western union and resend, etc. keep this up until they wise up. When you get the inevitable angry letter about how you betrayed your "love," just reply, "JACKASS JACKASS!!!!!" 

     I'm going to keep on punking these bitches, both male or female. They've got it coming. I don't even feel bad about it. But, like the saying goes, there's a sucker born every minute. Please don't be a sucker.   

To Catch A Nigerian

                                                      A Classic Sting

                                                       by Wilbur Witt

     I got this little jewel this morning. It was so classic I had to do it for today's blog. The script that this young lady (Mary, queen_roger909@yahoo.com) and what followed was classic. Originally she told me she was from Alabama. During conversation she introduced me to her best friend, Michelle, in LA. This is what is known as a third party confirmation. The mark just KNOWS it's for real because "best friend" says it is  Why would she lie? Unfortunately for them I've BEEN to LA, and she knew absolutely nothing about Southern California. Naturally, on the next chat we had Michelle's grandmother dying (in Austrailia) and poor Michelle had to go there to settle the estate. Now, work with me here, this gets good. It seems Michelle's father, an international  investor, and general man about town, had been killed mysteriously some years ago and poor old granny was holding the family business together in LA, Austrailia, and (you guessed it), Africa!  

     Michelle told me all about it, even asking my advice on where to put this vast fortune she had just inherited. She told me that she was taking Mary (my new girl friend) with her down under to give her support in this time of need. So, they "embark" on the journey. Important point here  nothing is as it seems. They aren't going anywhere  they're not even in the United States . Mary did a test run at me just after she "arrived" in Austrailia, which I fended off. Naturally, she went to plan "B" blowing that off. That picture in that Tux'll do it every time. So, I continued to receive occasional notes from her on Yahoo, even one where she got angry and yet again, vowed her undying love for me. Amusing point; Like "Mary," I was working several subjects during this time and actually got her mixed up with another girl in Ghana I was punking at the time, and sent the wrong chats and emails to each. Good ol Mary didn't miss a beat, she just kept working the script. 

     Her "return" date approached. (Suspense music please) According to her, she and Michelle were returning to "the state" on Friday. Now, I know there are people in the deep South who butcher the English language, but coming back to the "state?" Give me a break!  I knew the sting could not be far off, but I didn't know it would be this classic. It has all of the elements. Confirmation from a third party, international intrigue, vast sums of unclaimed money, and a sudden crises that involves MY money. 

     Although she claimed Michelle, who allegedly booked a flight for herself and Mary all the way from LA to Austrailia, was settling her granny's estate, a miracle happened. They spent all their money on Granny's health needs and now have nothing to eat! Now, she either was too stupid to keep up with the script, or she had me mixed up with another Mark.  She needed $500. Of course, if you will note, she typed 500$. And, now this gets good,  you cant make this up, are you following me, camera guy? Icouldn't send it to her, I had to send it to where? You guessed it . . .AFRICA! Seems Michelle has this lawyer there who, in a few hours, will provide me with a Western Union address so he can receive the funds and of course, buy poor Mary and Michelle a Big Mac. 

Ok, decoding time. There is no Mary or Michelle. They are working out of an Internet cafe, probably in Nigeria, though I have noticed Ghana is beginning to play predominately in this game lately. The "lawyer," who is thrown in for legitimacy, and respectability, and a little more third party confirmation,is actually their pimp. There are so many holes in her script you could strain spaghetti with it. The sad thing is older men fall for this every day. They are robbed and left broken. I'm going to continue this series. When one of these people troll me I'm going to bait them and out it all up here. We may start a whole new series. Like To Catch A Predator, we'll call it, To Catch a Nigerian, or something like that. 

     There are good people on the net. I have two friends, Sharon in England, and Crystal in LA. Sharon talks about various subjects, never money, and Crystal regularly visits Michael Jackson's grave. Also, Crystal and I had a text conversation on Facebook during the Conrad Murray trial and let me tell you, brothers and sisters,,this girl was MAD!  I have much respect for both of them as I do others I meet here. The rule is so simple. When a woman you never met asks for money it is a sting. One red cent!  Never lose sight of that. 

     "Mary" is shown in the following with no brackets. I put <> Around my responses. My comments are in () If you will note she never drops the script. When I hesitate she sends the old Yahoo BUZZZZ, which copies and pastes as <ding>This is either because she is too ignorant of the English language, or she's working too many "marks" at one time to sort it out. In the end she falls back on "our love" but apparently the pimp CAN read and she finally signed off. Just as I did with the other three yesterday I finally told her who I was and exactly what I was doing. I don't expect to hear from "Mary" again!

Maestro, Intro music please! 

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hello hon how are you doing today     hope you are doing good....i'm happy that u are online now because we need to chat on some issue right now     <ding>     wilbur are you there i'm waiting here for u

<Yes I'm here>

<ding>     hon talk to me i have missed you 

hope u are fine     oh hon i was just thinking of you since      what are you doing right now hon

<Coffee>

k     hon i need to tell you somethings about me and michelle i have been waititng on here for u wilbur?

<what's going on?>

michelle have sign some of the document and we have received some of her dad document also but we have not collecting the check......hon i have spend the money on me with michelle and she also dont have much with her right away because we have use almost the money for her grand-ma treatment? (She originally went to BURY Granny!)

<I thought you went to Australia to bury granny?????>

(Note that she ignores this question and continues the sting)

so i need you to help me out right away we need to get some food stuff and somethings also....so we will be planing to come beck to the state on sunday then i will come and neet u on my way coming back to the stat

hon why did you go off dont you love me again wilbur     hon talk to me 

<no, I'm here, please continue>

(I went "off" because I was laughing and copying and pasting at the same time)

<Oh yeah, you're the one> (Ok, I'm an asshole and at this point I'm trolling HER!)

yea

i know hon but please we dont have food stuff at all right away. (Now I really believe she's short of food. That's why she's whoring on the Internet)

<You flew from LA to Austrailia with little money?  I thought Michelle was settling affairs and the will?>

hon the money i need right away is not much.....you are the only one i will ask no more other person wilbur i have put my mind on you and i have promise to it's you or no other person wilbur     please i need 500$     hon will you make that send to me      <ding>  (totally ignored what I just said. Her comprehension of English is so bad that she canNOT deviate from the script.)

i know the money maybe too much for you to send to me at this time but hon i need that by tomorrow       you will make it send through western union?     will you send that tomorrow with my information wilbur     are you there

<Oh yeah>

hon i will send you michelle lawyer's information to your inbox..... he has some africa country info 

(Heeeeeeere's JOHNNY!)

you know i dont have any information in africa the lawyer have so u will send it through his info.....but i will send is info to your email, in some hours when he send it to me (Now this is Michelle's lawyer, handing the disposition of a vast international estate, and Michelle doesn't have any contact information? Also, aren't there Western Unions in Austrailia?)

michelle just call him now to send his info hon ....i will also make it send to you immediately he send that to us wilbur     will you be on here for like two hours     <ding>     hon are you still there (Michelle just "call" him? Two hours?  What does he have to do, crawl up on a hill and beat out a message on a drum?  Forgive me . . .I'm just a simple ol boy from Austin.)

<Oh, I'm right here!> (Bait Bait!)

ok hon....i will make the info send to you in some hours please i want you to send it to me when you get the lawyer's info.....i will also be online to know if you have make it send to me tomorrow 

*Ok, at this point I went ahead and punked her. I certainly didn't have the time to wait while she finished her shift in the call center, turned in her daily report so her team leader could process my money.*

<I'm a writer working on a series about women who troll older men on the Internet. I had three subjects I was using for information on this practice. It goes to five blogs, Facebook, and the FBI, and Homeland Security. You, and Michelle are part of this story. I am sure Homeland Security is monitoring this because of the recent bombings in Boston, (so i wont even have to bother turning it in, they already know )But, I will say, your approach was classic. The dead grandmother, the international trip to settle affairs, the "lawyer" with information to transfer money, the whole thing. There's no reason for you to reply. I'm busy finishing and publishing the story. Give "Michelle" my best. Hugs>

oh hon why are you saying this i'm not what you think.....i was here because of my good friend michelle not because of asking you money but i just think i should ask you if it's that the issue of money wilbur u can take hold to your money am not after ur money i have put all my mind and trust to you but you fallen my heart

<There were several skips in your script. One, you told me granny died originally. Michelle had to settle the estate. Two, you put $$ BEHIND the amount, Americans don't do that, and three, Africa! Classic Nigerian sting. But, if you sent me real pictures, nice legs. We have a saying here, and it will improve your next job, you've just been punked back!  Now, if you have nothing more I have to file this story> 

JACKASS! JACKASS!

i'm not happy with you i though i have found who will love me and trust me but you make me said and cry all what am doing was just becuase of you i just dont want you to made any mistakes if you want to send that, that was why i said 500$ i add $ because i dont want u to made a mistake if you feel that am not real you can hold your money i will find a way but if i cant get i will wait till the lawyer come back      you promise you will trust me,you also said you will be honest with me but now i cant even figure what is going on?

Roll the credits, fade to black to the theme from Exodus

Finis

What's going on is a classic sting. Also, please be aware, these people are NOT spending the money on food. Before you feel sorry for this girl consider what I told her. In these times anyone soliciting money from another country is suspect. In WWII the saying was, "Loose lips sink ships." Today "Loose wallets kill little boys in Boston watching their daddy run a marathon!" With all the hundreds, thousands, millions of dollars sent overseas each year like this, don't you think some of it buys bullets, guns, pressure cookers? If you were a terrorist, and you wanted to spirit funds out of the US to the Middle East, how would you do it. Would you set up an account at Bank of America, or would you just get a lonely old man to send you $500 via Western Union? I'm going to continue this series. When one of these girls trolls me I'm going to document it and give it to you. Until then have a wonderful day, and God Bless!

The Webcam Scam

Owner' Manual For Internet Girlfriends

           No Fool Like An Old Fool (Unless you pick Weird Wilbur)

                                                     by Wilbur Witt

     I've touched on this subject before, but I think a revisiting is in order. As you may, or may not know, recently I ramped up my friends list on Facebook. I was creating a base of readers who were genuinely interested in reading my opinions. Well, it worked, and now the friends keep coming as more and more people read and tell their friends about me, and I do appreciate that. That having been said, as with all things there is always a side effect. It seems that a few of my contacts are young women who view me as a horny old fool. The story is always the same. They are in a situation somewhere in Africa. Mom, dad, or grandparents have recently died and they have to go there to settle their affairs. Once they touch base with you, you become the love of their life. If you're stupid enough to respond they will hit you so hot and heavy you won't have time to check your email. 

     Now, you guys know me. I'm a decent, or fairly decent guy. I'll talk to anyone, but when one of these Piranhas hits I consider it a fishing trip. They get all personal and I just let them spread their wings. The truly funny thing is that I never lie. I tell them my exact situation and they just keep on striking, which means they either can't read English very well, or they are so caught up in their trolling script they can't deviate, which spells Internet cafe with lots of girls working the web. For those of you not versed in this vocation, there are people who set up computers in a coffee shop and the girls troll the web looking for old fools. 

     The business model is always the same. 

          1) Make initial contact

          2) Become familiar with the mark, and by that I mean VERY familiar!  

                 Words like "love" "honey" "lonely" and an abundance of sexual

                  innuendo, designed to knock the victim out of his wheelchair. 

          3) Introduce an issue they are going through. And it always 

                involves international intrigue. 

           4) Pictures pictures pictures. This is where it gets funny with me. 

                  I make videos and I get some of the hottest shots of Asian

                  chicks you've ever seen. I use the pictures. Yes, I'm an 

                  asshole. Please make note that the pictures you get are

                  most likely NOT the girl you are communicating with. Frankly

                  I recently received a series of photos and I thought, "DAYUM!

                  No WAY this girl is single!" 

             5) They suddenly have a need for funds. This is the first grab. If you                                         

                    balk they will either move on to greener pastures

                    or go to step 6. 

              6) The call for help evolves with the crisis in their life

                     involving some "settlement," "inheritance," whatever, but in

                     order to complete their business, and the sting, they need . . .

               7) Your account number!

     Now, I'm not going to insult the intelligence of my readers, but if you are that hard up, and stupid enough to give an Internet girl friend your bank account information send ME the money, I'll put it into the music business and I'll even have Frenchi do a lap dance for you. Hell! We might even get a hit, and you'll make a little change. Remember, the rules are simple. Nothing is as it seems. If it sounds too good to be true then it probably isn't. Only get involved with women you can see and touch. It's so simple. I had no less than three of these girls talking to me at one time this morning, all following exactly the same script, hell, I felt like they were all in the same room sharing notes! They all hit me with the same sting at the same time, and when I told them that my son, Master Chief Wilbur had my passwords and read all my communications they all had somewhere to go and promptly signed off!

     It makes me very angry when people take advantage of people who are lonely and alone. They think the girl might be so down and out that maybe their Social Security check will buy them love. So they send money and eat cat food while they read the bull shit that dribbles back over the net. Fact is that's not me. I'm successful, surrounded by beautiful girls, drive a Mercedes, and am working on my fourth book and music for a band cutting an album. And I TELL these women this. Only problem is that they're so busy following the script they don't take time to read. If you think these things don't happen just have a look at this copy and paste from a note I got just today. . .

lol. thats my mums plantation down here.i just spoke to my mums lawyer today and according to her WILL she left some to huge amount of GOLD in my name,from her gold bussiness and i am praying to have it and bring it so that we can start a new life there eventhough iwas thinking of selling it here before i come back but i dont think i can get the right price here,as my love and soulmate i just want to know what you think,whether to bring it up there if only  i can get a good price there or  sell it here before coming back...take care and pls say a big HI to the kids for me.Hope to hear your reply soon my love..ok. 

A Story of Hate

I want to tell you a story. A story of hate. I want to tell you of a soul so vile that the Devil will not let it into hell. We are repairing my ex-wife's husband's house. His daughter, and granddaughter are drug addicted prostitutes. He lost his wife four years ago, and as his health went down they took all the tools in his workshop and sold them for drugs. They had sex in the living room as he lay dying on the floor. Devout Catholic, altar boy. Retired Army. Purple Heart. Three bronze stars with valor. He married my ex. She scraped him off the floor and took him for treatment. He lived. My wife had adopted my five grandchildren. He found new life in them. He began to repair his house which had been destroyed. The joy returned to the face of this old man as he worked in his wood-shop. He chased his "kids" around the yard. He repaired the fence. He fixed the pool. He sat on his porch. He loved cor me to grill anything. Today a woman who had done some cleaning in his house demanded more money than she was due. When refused, she said she was going to fabricate a story and call the CPS. She told him to kiss his children goodbye. He would never see them again. And she laughed!  She got a demonic glee at destroying five little lives and one old soldier. She is the epitome of evil. She was going to use the fact that his house is under construction, and his tools are scattered about, as he tries to rebuild it for his new family. He is dying. He has damage from Agent Orange with all the ramifications that go with it. Before this woman was conceived he was in the rice paddies of Vietnam fighting for America. He is fighting now for a few precious months so he can give his "babies" a spedid home. Being a good husband and father. He is married to my ex-wife and I love him. He is seventy years old. The woman's name is Somer Anderson and she lives in Killeen, Texas. I just thought you needed to know who she is. May God forgive, I simply can't!

CYBER!

                                                                 Cyber!

                                                        by Wilbur Witt

     Gee, isn't it funny that most of you know exactly what I'm going to be talking about today?  CYBER!  Time was that word had no meaning at all. Then, with the advent of the Internet we learned the term could refer to just about any information that was sent over the net, then the term cyber-sex came into being, then we forgot all about everything else and CYBER was born!

     I am not proud of it, but I am one of the pioneers of cyber-sluttery. Back in the 90's, when we all had phone modems, you remember, Twee, Twee, Tweeeeeeeeeeeee, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!" Damn straight I got mail. I was up 'till two AM with a fifth of Jim Beam, a Hewlett Packard, and Miss Right Now! Me and a couple of Realtors even had a game. I would troll a chat room and cut out someone. Get her into a private chat and we would begin to talk. At some point I'd say, "Mark!" The time was noted. If all went well before fifteen minutes was up I'd say, "Is that a win?" Most times it was. The object of the game was to get her hand in her pants and a win was three or more typos in one sentence thereby proving she was typing with one hand. The bet was a bottle of Corona. But you know I'm bad! And I never talked dirty, oh hell no!  I'm a WRITER! I used a pseudo hypnotic method I devised myself. I would tell them to concentrate on a spot right below their heart until they felt a tingle. Then, with a little coaching that tingle would go down, and, well, you know. I'd win the Corona. 

     Now we have a whole new breed of cyber predictors, and they think they have it figured out. Women who prowl the friends lists to find lonely old men. The only problem is that there are a few old farts like me out there who know the deal from way back in the DOS days. They hit you up, tell you how much they love you, and then come up with some crisis wherein they need, well, money. Mother's sick, lost job, the list goes on and on and on. If someone is having a legitimate conversation I will talk with them, and help any way I can. But if they're trolling, OMFG! First I make damn sure they are NOT 13 years old, asking for a six pack of beer and a rubber because mommy and daddy are out, and then I feed them line. ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, SNAP! "You are so sexy.". No I'm not. I'm 61, smoke cigars and walk with a limp. "I've never felt this way about anyone." Yea you have. You're talking to five other old fools right now. "Yes, that's, really me." Negro please! If you're that hot what are you doing on the computer at two AM talking to the likes of ME? 

     And every now and then I get a morsel. Some girl will dance a little too close to the flame. Now, I'm a published author, been doing it for forty-two years, I can turn a phrase. Every once in a blue, blue moon those three typos will manifest, because I'm not a porpoise, I'm a blowfish! 

     I prefer my women three dimensional, and if they're warm that's always nice. Please, please take it from one who knows. Don't ever get romantically involved with someone who pops out from behind the cyber curtain, and for God's sake, don't send them any money. 

MARK!